How Do I Deal With My Jealous Partner?

Readers Question: Georgette, lives in Perth, Australia and her question was, “How does one deal with a jealous partner?”

Answer to Readers Question: You are not the only woman out there struggling with this problem. You must be feeling confused, sad and frustrated because your boyfriend is so jealous. Though you love him, feel connected to him on many levels and issues, despite the warmth and tenderness you share,your relationship is tortured by his frequent bouts of jealousy.

Jealousy is a very common issue in relationships and the problems it presents are not so easy to resolve. Jealousy has deep roots, often in the lack of parental affection early in life or in later experiences of loss or rejection by a loved one. This kind of experience can breed enduring insecurity in relationships and undermine the capacity for trust,

At first, jealousy in a partner may feel good. It can make you feel wanted and appealing, but as you are discovering, it quickly becomes a prison and a potentially dangerous one at that. It restricts your freedom, putting you under a constant cloud of suspicion for innocent interactions.

Jealousy is a sign that a person feel threatened, and in emotional panic over threatened loss, some people do dangerous things. The fear makes them actually misperceive innocent social situations, viewing every glance or conversation with an outsider as absolute proof of abandonment. Then, they feel tremendous anger over what they wee as a betrayal.

Often jealousy incites aggression, it arises from a sense of personal weakness,and it occurs because of personal fears of losing a partner who is important to his sense of self.

One way to resolve this one of one is you need to try talking calmly to your boyfriend about his jealousy You might be able to effect some changes. Whatever you do avoid arguments and don’t get defensive about you own behavior. Tell him a kind, loving way how his reactions makes you feel-how they scare you and how restrictive they feel.

Then jointly create a set of rules that you can both live by that will satisfy you both. If you want to save this relationship you need to work it out. You are not going to completely solve this problem in one discussion or 20. You will have to revisit this issue often and work it out one at a time. It will take a great deal of patience and understanding from you- but his worst fears can be subdued if he is worth keeping. Take the first step down the path of change.